crummyvision: This is a picture of me, and I believe this was taken at a restaurant. (Default)
[personal profile] crummyvision
One of the great frustrations of being a blind person in a world made of fully sighted and able-bodied people is good intentions. It can seem as if every interaction with anyone who is either not already your friend or who is paid to serve you has some element of "hey, look at me, I'm doing you a favor so you'd better be grateful for it." Good intentions also seems to be more important than universal ideas of manners, as in, what it is appropriate to say to a stranger or when it is appropriate to touch or enter the personal space bubble. Everyone's always trying to be nice, no matter how necessary or unnecessary the help, no matter how awkward or backhanded the compliment, and why randoms feel they need to compliment us in the first place is beyond me. If you dare as a standard generic human being to try to even kindly assert yourself, the doer of the good deed gets very defensive and offended. It seems as if, no matter how polite you are in your words, what matters most in this transaction is recognition of and gratitude for the good deed. That is more important than the result of what the person did, whether you really needed it or not, or if it was a remark or compliment, what kind of implied ableism there might have been, how appropriate it is to say to any stranger, or how backhanded the comment was or any other considerations. Your needs mean nothing. Your feelings mean nothing. The intentions behind the deed are the only thing that seems to matter, and I guess what people want from you is recognition that they are a good and kind person. Really? Do people really feel they are such hideous psychotic monsters that they need blind people to tell them they're good? Social media is also very telling. On Twitter, one is able to read anything posted to the main timeline. Put the word helped and the word blind in a search of public tweets separated by a plus sign and you'll see what I mean. People will tweet that they helped some blind person cross a road or get somewhere or find a bus seat or get on or off a bus or help shopping and people will not only crow about how good they feel about themselves for having done this, some will also tend to believe that somehow supernatural forces will give them favor and they are bound for paradise when they die for doing the good deed. So, people are doing this, at least it seems, for their own gratification, their own glorification, and their own gain even if that gain is in the afterlife. Some people will not object to this. They will say that if they make somebody's day by whatever good deed is done more power to them and they won't rain on that person's parade. Me, I feel differently but I also have to keep my feelings to myself because if I dare say boo about it and say anything that does not reassure the do-gooder that they are a good and kind person, I will always be the one to blame, I am angry, I am ungrateful, they are never in the wrong because good intentions seem to be a kind of get-out-of-jail-free card.
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crummyvision: This is a picture of me, and I believe this was taken at a restaurant. (Default)
crummyvision

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