crummyvision: This is a picture of me, and I believe this was taken at a restaurant. (Default)
Yeah, and this isn't a blindie-type post for once, but this satire reflects a certain world view some folks I know at least seem to suggest.

If I ran the show,
If I ruled the world,
It would be a world where everyone knew exactly what was right and what was wrong,
It would be run by a system of absolutes only.
Absolute punishment,
Absolute reward,
Of course, the more personally outraged I would be by the behavior, the crueller and more unusual the punishment would be.
After all, they deserve it.
Everyone would be completely responsible for their own success or failure.
If a person is foolish or wreckless and they hurt themselves, it is obvious that they brought it on themselves and deserve their suffering.
I would decide who succeeds and who fails,
who lives comfortably and who suffers,
Who marries and who remains forever alone,
Who lives and who dies,
All in the name of simple, unambiguous morality that would never change, ever.
Wouldn't that be a nice place to be?
Of course, I would never, ever run afoul of my laws because I know I'm such a good and moral person I just would never do anything stupid or criminal.
Everybody else needs my guidance and wisdom, because everyone else is stupid and amoral,
Not like me,
Oh, and maybe if I really like you I might cut you a break.
But everybody else, watch out, do as you're told, and always obey the laws, or else!
crummyvision: This is a picture of me, and I believe this was taken at a restaurant. (Default)
This is going to cover things I've eluded to earlier, but this is going to be posted in more than one place, too. It's been a long time coming, so put your shields up and be careful, for the ride may be dark and dangerous. Here we go!

I've got it, yes, I've finally got it. Years ago I brought you my piece on how to be an OK blind person, but that needs an upgrade, so at this point, I think I've found the keys you can use to be an actually good blind person so that sighted people will really like you for you and other blind people will look up to you. This is it!

1. The first and most important thing to remember is that the only good blind person is a sighted person. So if you follow all these tips and you still can't see, you've fallen short of the ideal.
2. Keep in mind that to be normal and to be seen as normal is the greatest experience one can have in life. You must strive and push and struggle until you are seen as normal. If anyone tries to tell you that being normal actually means a default setting or being mediocre, report them to your local blind community leader for expulsion proceedings, for such ideas are heresy.
3. Your acceptance into the wider world is entirely dependent on your behavior and attitude. The wider world irrationally fears difference, so it is your obligation in the name of accomodating them to suppress all difference within yourself, and if enough of it is hidden you will have arrived at normal status and you will finally get all you want from life. We are unable to tell you how much enough is, but we believe that certain magical amount of enough exists because we wish it to be so.
4. As often as possible, complain about the behavior of other blind people, especially as regards whining, causing drama, wanting things for free, and being entitled. This will demonstrate to all within hearing range that you are truly normal and civilized, unlike those uncultured clods and creepy weirdos, and people will be so impressed with your complaints about complainers that you will gain instant normal status and all those creepy weirdos will appoint you their new god. Continue this behavior.
5. on the same note, point out human flaws and foibles of other blind people specifically, as if people's blindness forces them to think and act in that manner against their will, or as if fully sighted people are just too cultured, civilized and normal to ever do such things, and if they do, they get a free pass, because of course ...
6. This is a sighted world. This means if you are not sighted it is not your world. Anyone who tells you there is but the one world and we all share it has obviously been smoking rainbow juice again and should be reported to their local blind community leaders for expulsion proceedings as soon as possible. This will never ever be your world if you are blind, this is truth and fact. It will never change. It is how things must be. Resign yourself to this. Don't be a denier!
7. Do not associate with other blind people, since in order to gain normal status, you must see all of them except yourself as a shambling army of rocking eye-poking uncivilized unwashed monsters who just don't want to see the light of normalcy.
8. Since, as I pointed out earlier, your single-minded goal is to be normal, look up to all sighted people. Think of them as roll models. Be awed by their general coolness, like the nerd who might envy and look up to the jock or cheerleader. Strive to be like them in all ways, because blind people are unworthy just for being themselves.
9. Image is everything. This means absolutely nothing but it is a nice phrase to throw around so people can think you're philosophical.
10. Attitude is everything. Refer to item 9.
11. Perception is reality. Refer once more to item 9.
12. All blind people are responsible for the reputations of all other blind people. This is because those in the wider world may never have met another blind person, so since you just might be their first, they are going to use you as their image of blind people. This means that even though people are individuals, blind people are all alike in their minds. It is your job to make the best impression and otherwise accomodate the feelings of the public. So, never be angry, never show you're having a bad day, never sport the wrong attitude, just smile and think and be positive, always, day and night, because you are always being watched. Only sighted people can have such luxuries as bad days or privacy. Since you are not sighted, you can't have these nice things.
13. If you ever indicate to the wider world that it is actually wrong to believe any member of any group of people represents the whole group or all members of a group are not identical, this breaks blind community law. Society will and must believe we're all alike or else the bad thing will happen. Remember. society is always right, even when they're wrong most of the time, because they are bigger and more powerful than you. Do not be a denier, resign yourself to this.
14. As indicated above, society believes it is wrong to be different. Don't be different. If you are not different enough, people's fears of difference will disappear as if by magic. Never suggest that society must change its belief that difference is wrong. It is not their job to change, only you must do the changing. If you are caught trying to change society by suggesting it must change when you must not, you have violated the blind community code and will be sent to your local blind community leaders and will be expelled for speaking heresy.

15. Society says being different is wrong, we must emphasize this. As a blind person, you are different and as long as you are blind, no matter what you do, you will be different.
16. Never suggest that the wider world acts oddly toward us or is ignorant of us because they harbor primitive fears of what lurks in the dark, vulnerability and mortality. The truth and the reality is that they act funny around you because you're just not being sighted enough. It is completely and entirely your fault and it is all under your control and up to you.
And that is how you can become a truly good blind person. Now get out there and get normal, and stop talking to those freaky weirdo blind people!

magic words

Mar. 9th, 2014 11:08 pm
crummyvision: This is a picture of me, and I believe this was taken at a restaurant. (Default)
Say friends, are you suffering from low self-esteem, lack of motivation, or perhaps maybe you're just plain old suffering from suffering. I've got some magic words for you to read. Here they are. See how you're thinking and feeling? Don't do that, do this other thing. Do you believe them? If you believe them, everything will change and everything will be better, I promise. Now, if you buy my book for only $19.95 plus $99.95 shipping, handling and the author's coffee habit fund, you too will pay to know what you really think. Also, follow me on all your social networks and every day I will give you another magic sentence which basically means the same thing, but you are such a lost soul screaming away in this negative world with no moral direction and everything falling apart around you and everything's just changing so fast and life is just a big huge mistake in the first place, well, basically, dear seeker, you need me and you'll pay me to need me, so sign up and pay up!
crummyvision: This is a picture of me, and I believe this was taken at a restaurant. (Default)
In today's exercise, we're going to meditate on what the world is coming to, since so many people ask this deep and probing question. Now, for this one, you need to sit in a straightback chair, bolt upright. Now, close your eyes and bow your head as low as you can, like looking at the table or your feet or the floor. Now think of all the reasons why the world isn't the way you want it. Think of how crazy things are and how outrageous people's behavior has become, unlike when you were young and everything was utopia. Oh, I forgot, the background mood-setting stuff. Turn on the news, of course. This will help reinforce what I want you to feel. So your news is on and you're contemplating the utter suckiness of everything. Now, here's the clincher. What about the children! Once you start thinking about that, then it is time to start chanting your mantra. So today's mantra is, "what is this world coming to." Repeat that over and over, and don't forget to listen to your news. Now start worrying if you haven't already started. Now worry. Worry some more. Let all the worries and woes of the world rest on your shoulders. Feeling trapped? Hopeless? Helpless? Useless? Keep worrying, and continue the chant. What is this world coming to. What is this world coming to. What is this world coming to. As you chant and contemplate how we've fallen away from the grand ideal and listen to your news, now be aware of how you feel. Having a goodtime? Would you do it again if the opportunity presented itself? Do you enjoy feeling doomed or like the only sane person amongst weirdos, crazies, terrorists, murderers, and people whose sociopolitical points of view you don't understand who make up dumb laws? Don't forget the children! Still enjoying yourself? OK, if you're not enjoying yourself, cut it out. Stop chanting, turn off your news, let the planet fall off your shoulders, and promise never never never to do this again, ... until the next time!


crummyvision: This is a picture of me, and I believe this was taken at a restaurant. (Default)

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