Satire: Throwing in the Towel?

[crummyvision]

Ah, New Year's Day is almost over. This is going to give each and every one of you over a month to gear up for the next holiday to complain about, Valentine's Day. This means either you can come up with some brand new complaints that have never been complained before, or do what the cool kids do and polish off some old well-worn classics. Then after that there's St. Patrick's Day, Easter, both Mother's and Father's Day, Fourth of July, oh, you name it, all of them ready for the complaining. All of these so-called holidays, just examples of utter insincerity, fakery, and overcommercialization where all the assorted evil industries hold guns to the heads of all citizens, forcing them to spend money they don't have on things they don't need for people they don't like. Truly and well these are signs of humanity's utter failure to evolve and the signs of a ruined civilization that will truly never recover, it says here. All of this disgusting, self-indulgent behavior. I strongly suggest you write to your leaders and propose, implore and beg that all holidays be replaced by mandatory work days, even for the unemployed. That way you have something real to complain about and something to distract you from having to be utter hypocrites. Oh, my poor dear heart is so filled with disgust and contempt. Please god, even if you were completely made up by man, I beg you, kill us, kill us this very second, we have fallen short!